You’ve probably heard the old adage that opposites attract, but the question is, “Can they live together?” In a romantic world, personality differences don’t matter all that much, but in a real, day-to-day existence, they can be huge. When it comes to the dynamics of human relationships, chemistry matters.

I think I know a little about chemistry—I majored in it in college. My personal love affair with science began at a young age as I used my first chemistry kit to make things foam and turn different colors. As I moved up to high school, the experiments became more complex—and more intense! My high school chemistry teacher, Mr. Havrilla, went to great lengths to show the practical importance of chemistry.

I remember learning about the elements sodium (Na) and Chlorine (Cl). When you combine sodium and chlorine, you end up with the relatively harmless compound of sodium chloride. You might be more familiar with its common name—salt. Yes, salt, the stuff that we use to preserve and season food.

The elements of sodium and chlorine in their pure forms, however, are not so pleasant. It was my job to replace the chlorine tanks when I worked at a public swimming pool, so I know well the pain of chlorine gas in the lungs. It’s not something that I recommend to anyone!

Elemental sodium can create huge issues as well. For one particular lab experiment, Mr. Havrilla placed a small piece of sodium in a beaker filled with water. The reaction was insane! That little thing began to spin violently on the surface of the water. It then burst into flames and exploded with a loud pop! His point was clear—some elements aren’t very compatible.

Chemistry Matters in Christian Relationships

Years later, my vocational love changed from science to Christian ministry, but, surprisingly, I found that chemistry still mattered. We are growing as living stones into a holy temple of God (Ephesians 2:19-22). But those stones can’t be compared to the preformed cement blocks we use in buildings—like pieces of a puzzle, all are uniquely shaped to fit together according to God’s design.

Love is undoubtedly the glue that binds us together (Colossians 3:14), but getting along with one another is only part of the picture. The church of Jesus Christ is an organic body in which many parts must work together to reach its full potential for God’s glory. And we’re not just talking about corporate efficiency here—human souls are at stake!

Through my years of ministry involvement, I have led a lot of small groups. Some worked out quite well. Others did not. I’ve learned that it’s possible for Christians to all love one another, but that doesn’t mean that we can all be close personal friends. Simply put, we have a natural affinity for some people, while, due to personality differences, others might even rub us the wrong way. Such differences become magnified in a close relational environment. When these types of differences become too large, the group will fail to function as God intends.

Chemistry Matters for Leadership Teams

I spent 16 + years leading a local college ministry at Indiana University of PA (IUP) and while I mostly enjoyed our large group activities, I especially cherished our leadership team meetings. There was a dynamic—a chemistry—to most of our leadership teams that made us really enjoy being together.

Christian ministry can be really burdensome at times. Dealing with the complex problems of human nature in light of eternal destiny can really weigh on a person. Not wanting to create any more of a burden, we were careful to add only those leaders we felt fit well with the chemistry of the entire group. On occasion, we even passed by a devoted and competent person because we thought the individual would not mesh well with the rest of the team members. Those were difficult decisions, but, looking back, it is evident that we were on the right track.

Uniformity Is Not the Answer

The casual reader might be tempted to think that finding the right chemistry in a ministry team equates to some type of “cookie cutter” conformity. It does not. Amazingly, we had some really diverse personalities at work in our IUP leadership teams. For example, I am a political conservative and an avid hunter. One of our key leaders, Bernie, was a political liberal and an avid animal rights activists. Not only did we make it work, but we had a lot of fun with our differences and became lifelong friends in the process.

Unlike the chemistry I studied in school, there is no clear formula for the chemistry of human relationships. It is more a journey of discovering God’s intended design than it is some preset formula that can be applied to each and every situation. Regardless, the chemistry of human relationships matters a great deal when it comes to effectively advancing God’s purposes on this earth. We owe it to God, others, and ourselves to get the best fit possible!